because i cannot have
You any other way
i will give You back
the keys to Your place
and s    t     r      e      t     c     h
the                 space
between You  and   myself.

it is not that i desire
to see less of You
but fear i would get too familiar with
Your face and forget
even the personnosrep i often talk to
in the mirrorrorrim. to see You
frequently is too much too much too much too much too much too much
of a habit, urges me
to lock You up with
Your own keys. i
must give them back

because i cannot have You.

recently published in Lunduyan ng Sining’s (Sanctuary of Art) lesbian literary and art folio, “What These Hands Can Do” and first came out in UP Quill’s literary folio, “Sitting Amok” — 12th volume — under the pseudonym, “Eva de Matta”.

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Vanilla Fantasy

Vanilla ice cream dreaming
slick in my mouth,
stirs up memories of
a child and a mother’s caress
and I cannot dream
without a blanket.

Lately, dreamless slumbers
even under sheets
like the past,
vanilla lingers
inadequate, an unknown mother,
constantly waking me up
to cover myself
nights, more chilly
without any
vanilla swirls
to dream about leaving
me orphan, longing
for a familiar lullaby
to blanket fears,
searching for a mother’s
hand in an empty room,

published in UP Quill’s literary folio, “Sitting Amok” — 10th volume.

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